the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
