Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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