You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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