NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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