I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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