I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
