Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
