so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
