I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
