Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
