You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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