Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
