Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
