p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to align my fucking chakras
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
