My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize