They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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