The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
