I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
