u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
