I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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