I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
