Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
porn star boner night. come get it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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