Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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