So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
