Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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