You're completely useless in the revolution.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
