I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
