Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize