The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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