It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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