I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
