My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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