I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
