And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
