i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
