So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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