Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
