your thong is hanging out like whoa
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
