I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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