Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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