i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
