A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
