Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
