thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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