Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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