she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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