Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
