I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
