did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
