I'm gonna have a badass scar
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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