Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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