I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
