There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
