I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
