i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
