Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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