3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
