Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
