I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
