is your mom at the bar?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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