In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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