are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize