Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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