I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
