Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
