awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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