At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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