Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
