you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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