4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
