it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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