she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
