My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
