Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
