I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize