Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize