Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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