That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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