Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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