Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
