I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
