Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize