I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize