Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
