Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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