if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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