What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize