Your face is a jimmy john
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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