I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize