I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
...so i touched it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
