So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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