Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
