i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize