Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
