How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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