Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
