He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
